Chasing Dreams

I've always wondered as a child what kind of life will I have as an adult. I have envisioned myself as someone sitting in a desk, a calculator in hand and paperworks on the other. Or someone acting on television. It never occured to me that I will be spending my time in college at a laboratory and doing engineering computations. I've always imagined myself associated with the arts: writing, painting or acting. Technical has never been one of my dreams. But here I am, doing technical works even if I am no longer employed at the manufacturing plants.
Ending up on a technical field was not my personal choice but I can still remember how did I strive in a dream that was not mine.

I am good in Mathematics, i'm that kind of person who would throw away the school stuffs after after school and pick up a book and read. I love reading nice short stories and poem. I even write my own piece. But like all sad stories, I have a very complicated domestic life. My mother have a deep hatred to my biological father, thus I ended up not knowing that there is an existing person in the other part of the world that would later claim me as his child. I will tell you later how did this father changed everything in my life. My Mom's hatred made her commit the biggest mistake that will affect my life so much - she put my legitimacy under the name of her husband. This husband which I will call Mr. Know-It-All is someone who would bribe you money for a high grade. But that is the easy part. The hard part is, I have to work hard to get that high grades and also work my way through a lot of nasty remarks from spoiled rich classmates (for I am attending a school catering rich spoiled kids) to favoritism-oriented teachers. It was a tough fight for someone who used to be protected by grandparents and aunts and uncles. To add up to my burden, my Mom physically and verbally abused me.

The High School life is a big issue and will affect my life until I reached adulthood. Battered emotionally and physically, it was very difficult for me to balance life in school and at home. The extra-curricular activities drains me physically and so does the resposibilities at home. That is exclusive of the constant banter and bicker of my Mom. The struggle did not end there. Mom married someone of different class and at the age of eleven I was forced to live with them ( my mom's second family). But during those times, I am not yet aware of the existence of my biological dad. I was led to believe that teh stepfather was my real dad although I did not grew up with them. As I was saying, I stayed with my Mom at a very strange place. It is a place with a very conservative society. So many restrictions and impossible rules. But my plights bring out the best in me. I learned to fight back in the most subtle way. I started creating my scheme on how to escape that bleak life. I used all my resources to reach out for some help. Inteventions from God came through an opportunity of coming over the city to study. It was the happiest moment in my life. Holding taht piece of paper that holds my freedom gave me the most unexplainable feeling.

College has been my the only answer to my freedom. But It was not a piece of cake for me. Losing my scholarship in due to pressures from my Mom and her husband put me in a state of depression taht almost made me end my life. I transferred school but continued my studies on the the chosen course. It was a remnants of my dreams. Actually, it was a goal that I have to pursue because Life gave me no other option. I never wanted to take the course but the stepfather insisted. It was a very difficult task - studying something that does not caught your interest, going to school without a blink of sleep because I am not allowed to sleep that much during schooldays ( it is a long story...), new classmates bugging me, new university ( oh dear, believe me, it was like going over my freshman years again...sigh). Eventually, I graduated after the heartbreaking-soulwrenching thesis. I thought my dream is already in my hands but I did not realized that I am not going to be happy on my chosen field. Simply because I have always wanted to be an artist and my profession was not really my choice.

With that realization, I worked my way on different interviews and luckily ended in my first job. That was the time when I already know about my real dad. I will posts on another issue the story of how my dad found me and the scandal that it would cause me.

The first job gave me the opportunity to meet my loved one. It was a struggle because I know that I am in a very sticky situation but the dream that was never mine brought me to my own dreams...my loved ones.

I could say that all the struggles gave me a reward that I know i deserve. Now, I spend the night holding in my arms the two person that makes me whole. I know that there will be more obstacles and challenges to overcome but I am stronger now because I have two other hands holding me still while I fight my way to happiness.